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Nick Pahys, Jr. DDG-CH-AdVS-A.G.E.-LDA-FIBA Rewrites History

Ever feel like someone isn’t telling you the whole truth? Have a sneaking suspicion that you’ve been led astray by your elementary school teachers? Well, the founder of The One and Only Presidential Museum in the World in Hartsgrove believes you’re hunch is right. Nick Pahys, Jr. DDG-CH-AdVS-A.G.E.-LDA-FIBA (the inexplicable string of letters he includes following his name lend credence to the fact that he knows, well, something) is on a mission to set the record straight.

Former restaurateur and insurance salesman, Pahys is the founder and curator of the Presidential Museum, which is conveniently located above the Hartsgrove Emporium on Geneva-Windsor Road. Pahys contends that there are lots of things you thought you knew about American history (not to mention the Bible), but you were wrong. Don’t worry, it’s not your fault—you’ve been mislead.

Among the misconceptions most Americans hold dear is the fact that George Washington was our first president. In fact, Pahys insists, he was the ninth president, since eight others were elected first, each to one-year terms, under the Articles of Confederation (our first constitution, in effect from 1781-1789). Washington was merely the first elected under our new federal constitution (you know, the one we use today), which in Pahys’ opinion is hardly noteworthy. The museum recognizes John Hanson (a man, according to Pahys, “forgotten for 150 years”) as our esteemed first president, in an effort to give credit where credit is due.

The museum, dedicated to all 51 (by Pahys’ account) presidents, also features presidential artifacts, portraits, trivia, and books, as well as tributes to those of our fearless leaders who hailed from Ohio. But it’s really Pahys himself that makes a visit worthwhile, especially since he is available to give personal tours when requested.

Pahys, who grew up in Cleveland, served in Korea as a Marine and is a man of devout faith; he is therefore, by his own admission, committed to discovering and propagating the truth. He notes on his website, “The Lord bestows on people knowledge if they want it to make the proper choice. History is made up of the choice between believing in a lie and believing in the truth. [I] just want to arm the people with that truth so they can make the right choice!”

 Certainly, Pahys doesn’t have a problem with all history, just some of it. For instance, here are some other facts about American history you probably don’t know (school learning be damned!): the start date of the Revolutionary War (1774, not 1775); the originator of the presidential great seal (John Hanson again, not our friend George); that the father of our country was of Swedish descent (yep, John Hanson—who, by now, you should recognize as the antidote to your erroneous thinking).

Pahys is so dedicated to his cause that, according to an article published on clubconspiracy.com, he wrote to all 100 senators asking them to help “spread the truth” (none replied), authored a book entitled What Every American Should Know (self-published, but touted by some as “the truest history book every written in the United States of America”), and even contacted former First Lady Barbara Bush after she joked on speaking tours that in her family, her husband is nicknamed “41” and her son “43” due to their presidential sequence (Pahys informed her that actually, George H.W. Bush is number 49, and George W. Bush is number 51).

A visit to the Presidential Museum’s website allows you the unique opportunity to access Pahys’ manifestos on the “half-truths” perpetrated in regular history curriculums nationwide. For a small fee, you can become a museum member and re-program your brainwashed mind with the correct details about our nation’s past, Adam and Eve, Christ’s resurrection, and various other beliefs you may hold that are founded on fallacies. Pahys tempts website visitors with the promise of knowledge and illumination, never mind all that money you might have wasted on higher education. “For the unbelievable price of $5.50,” he proclaims, “you will get the equivalency of a doctorate degree in true history, something that would take tens of thousands of dollars of expenses at one of our country's highest institutions of learning.”

Not only can you earn your doctorate via of the Presidential Museum, but membership entitles you to “a certificate stating you have obtained the ‘Higher Truth’ degree of American History, which gives you credentials to spread the word across the world about the true origins and other little known facts about the United States of America,” plus tickets for a personal museum tour from Pahys himself and a mention of your patronage inside the museum.

The whole truth and nothing but, plus certification to proselytize it, along with the chance to buy buttons with the faces of our first eight presidents or a John Hanson baseball cap—that’s a lot of bang for the buck! Visit the museum in Hartsgrove or oneandonlypresidentalmuseum.com for an education you won’t soon forget and a chance to meet one of Ohio’s most interesting characters.

Weird Ohio

 

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